u.b. enidiot

I got a bone to pick, and it ain't the fun kind.

My name is Dave. Ok David, but I introduce myself as Dave. Some people still call me David, but the majority hail me by Dave. Nevermind, that doesn't matter. The point is, I'm damn proud of my name! I happen to be named after my father who, in turn, was named after his. I come from a long line of (2) Davids*, and it is my distinct pleasure to represent that line with dignity, respect and other nice ideas. And even if you don't happen to be named after anyone in particular, your parents still chose your name with a specific reason and purpose behind it.

So why, I ask you, why would anybody be so callous as to go by nothing more than the first frackin' letter of that name?? I'm seeing this more and more these days, and it's starting to piss me the hell off! Names like J. Davis, L. Wickenstein, Q. Fergerberger, and their ilk. Oh and then there're those bastards who use both their first AND middle initials like T.Y. Egghart, R.U. Horneè and B.A. Fuccure. Why disgrace the good name your parents gave you by hiding behind a personal acronym?! Even if it's NOT a good name like Ferdinand or Jennifer, it's still YOU god-damnit! Hone up to it, take it like a man or dykie lesbian and give that crap name a good name for once in its pitiful existence.

As far as I'm concerned these shameful rat bastards have no friends. What would they greet them with?? "Hey L., how's tricks today?" "R.U., good to see you survived that tragic street corner accident!" If I met somebody going by a first initial, I'd just feel awkward whenever I saw him or her around. I wouldn't know what to say! "Heeeeyyyyyyyy…you!"

These people need to grow the fuck up before I find them and beat them. I'm gonna eat my cinnamon roll now.


*For those of you among the teeming throngs reading this (i.e. 2 of the 5) now hell bent on calling me Junior, piss off. Me, my father and my grandfather all had different middle names.