happy thoughts

I yell an awful lot, don’t I? I must come off as a severely unhappy person. Well tonight I am here to tell you that is just plain, unadulterated, good ol’ down-home horseshit...you bastards.

I’m a very happy person! Rapturous, if you will*. And I’m going to prove it, whether you sons-and-daughters-of-syphilitic-wombats like it or not. I have two crackerjack stories from today and last night that made me wonderfully happy, and they don’t have anything at all to do with politics, the constitution, or dumb people. How refreshing is that?

The first is from last night. It makes very little sense, but then very little does these days, so it possibly makes more sense than usual. If that makes sense. I was regaling Juna - my roommate - and her friend Kyoko with stories from the many strange hours I spent in Istanbul, Turkey this summer. Specifically, stories about the interior of the central building of the main bus terminal. It’s a good story, and hence a good read (if I may shamelessly promote myself), but the quick, unfulfilling version of it is there were tons of tiny shops crammed into this place that looked like Koopa-Land from the movie Super Mario Brothers, and every single one, without exception, sold either blue jeans, cameras, knives or guns. Many of them had a combination of the aforementioned products. Beats the hell out of me how they all managed to stay in business, but I already wrote on that.

ANYWAY, after I finished this part of the story, Juna suggested that I probably just didn’t know very much about guns, and that they all were probably very different and unique, but that one would have to "know" guns to see the various differences. She offered up the analogy of chocolate cakes. There is indeed the possibility that one could find an entire block FILLED with nothing but chocolate cake shops, all selling different and wonderful varieties of delicious chocolate cake, and they all would stay in business. Is that not the most marvelous analogy you have ever heard in your life?? How magnificent is it to take a story about numerous gun shops in Istanbul and relate it to a block chock full of chocolate cake shops? Can you IMAGINE the smell on that street??! I would want to be buried there so that I could be sure to smell heavenly things in the afterlife, wherever that may be (I’m shooting for Valhöll)!! I swear, that made me smile all night long.

And the second is from today, after work. I was walking to the bus stop, and I passed by this guy who always tries to shine my shoes for me. Because I polish my shoes at home (not to mention it would make me REALLY uncomfortable to have a homeless black guy shining my shoes on the street), I never let him. I’m always polite and laugh with him, and he always says he’ll get me one of these days (I assume he means he’ll get me to let him shine my shoes, not "get me" as in kill me), but I never let him. He recognizes me on sight now.

So today it was no different. I passed him going the opposite direction, and we had the same kind of exchange as has become usual. EXCEPT, today he noticed I had salt stains on my shoes. He put aside the loud, jovial bit he always seems to have on, and told me in all seriousness what to use to get rid of them. He didn’t ask for any money, he didn’t ask to do it for me...he just wanted to help me out. THAT’S IT!! He did me a favor because I needed to know how to clean them, and he asked nothing in return. Jesus Christ eating a ham on a fuckin' Friday I fuckin’ love motherfuckin’ people! That’s been partially responsible for the smile that’s been gracing my face all this evening.

Also partially responsible is that royal ass-whooping I gave to that 9-year-old girl earlier today. She totally was asking for it.

So you see, I’m generally a very happy fellow, so all of ya’ll that aren’t reading this and aren’t commenting on this that think I’m a sour potato...you can just fuck off!



*I wouldn’t.