omigod! you invest?? that's hot!!

Piss off, Neil Simon, theatre as we know it is changing. And when I found out about it, I was pretty well sickened. But then I started thinking about it ...

How bout I explain? I read in The Economist about a new trend that's emerging on New York's theatre scene: hardcore investing. I say hardcore only because I realize that the term 'investing' really can mean anything. For example, theatre in particular requires of great deal of time be invested. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about stereotypical investing: mutual funds, returns on investment, and enormous sums of green*.

In the past Wall Street and Broadway rarely, if ever, intersected (except, of course, where they actually intersect), and to so much as mention money while mingling with the artsy crowd would get you banned from the after-party. Why should money be a concern when we're talking art?

Well, while it doesn't necessarily have to be, we also are talking entertainment, and entertainment is big business. Did I say big business? I should've said staggering business. For example, everybody has seen (or at least is aware of) Legally Blonde, correct? What about Legally Blonde THE MUSICAL?!? Yes, that supremely-obnoxious, cotton candy pink-tinged moving picture - along with a dog so small it probably shouldn't exist - has moved on stage! But it doesn't stop merely by taking the story. This production seems essentially to be a live-action movie, complete with wealthy backers, product placements (including, but not limited to Red Bull, Pottery Barn, JetBlue airways, Magnum hair products, Tiffany jewels and UPS express delivery), and a roughly $13 million price tag. The only thing missing is the camera (they're still not allowed in the theater!).

Upon reading this I was outraged. How could they trivialize the fine institution that is the theatre like that? How could they commercially exploit the actors and actresses that have given their lives to this art?? How could they turn theatrical production into a gol-danged mutual fund??? My tender sensibilities were being greatly damaged by this disgrace!

I went to the bathroom and threw some water on my face. Surely this wasn't true. Was our culture truly caught in a downward spiral of capitalistic eccentricities, never again to see the expressions of true art? Well ... no. It's not. It is true that we live in a capitalistic society, and as such there always will be those people and entities willing to pump obscene amounts of money into anything that could pump obscene amounts back. To try to fight that would be to try to fight much of what we stand for. Suggesting that there are certain forms of art that cannot be exploited for money is very much akin to suggesting that there are certain things that cannot be joked about, which is absured!

While the theatre as we know it seems to be headed the way of motion pictures and music, that doesn't mean there will be no room left for individual artists to seek means of expression without being sponsored by a fortune 500 company (or 5). It only means they'll have to creatively adapt to the times, and considering some of the theatre junkies I know, that shouldn't be a problem.


*money