You know what I like? I'll tell you what I like. Really, truly, brutally cold Chicago mornings. Not at all unlike this morning. While waiting for the bus just before 8, yeah, it was straight up 0°F, with a wind chill of - ready for this madness? - -20°F. There really is nothing as invigorating as feeling your nose hairs freeze over.
But the best part, I feel, about really, truly, brutally cold Chicago mornings is the bus ride downtown on the drive. Because on really, truly, brutally cold Chicago mornings, the lake, all the way to the horizon, is completely enveloped in a shroud of rising steam.
I like that.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
a kid in a suit
Goodness gracious. Did that really just happen? I certainly hope that had at least the appearance of organization!
I'm at our event today - a debate between the 6 candidates vying for the Democratic nomination for Cook County State's Attorney. At the moment I can hear them yelling at each other in the next room. Normally I enjoy watching these, but I'd kinda rather sit here in the lobby & write today. After getting slammed with everyone arriving at once (not to mention having reps from all 6 camps peering over my shoulder), I can use the downtime!
Don't think for a moment that I'm bemoaning my fate; this is the best part of my job! I love the excitement of event management! Seriously, everything can and will happen. In the middle of writing that last paragraph a reporter from the Tribune (who plugged into the mult box and has been recording the show) came running in from the next room frantically telling me that all of a sudden none of the media plugged into the press feed were getting audio. Whoops! We got it fixed though. As it turns out a (thankfully) very polite gentleman had settled the leg of his chair on the wire running to the back of the room. Didn't see that one coming. Although I have to admit - to cater momentarily to my ego - there is something deeply gratifying about being a kid in a suit who actually knows enough about what he's doing to tell professional businessmen (one of which I am not) and politicians what to do.
This thing has to be ending soon. It's already gone on far longer than normal. Though considering it's 6 politicians on stage, I probably could've seen that one coming...
I'm at our event today - a debate between the 6 candidates vying for the Democratic nomination for Cook County State's Attorney. At the moment I can hear them yelling at each other in the next room. Normally I enjoy watching these, but I'd kinda rather sit here in the lobby & write today. After getting slammed with everyone arriving at once (not to mention having reps from all 6 camps peering over my shoulder), I can use the downtime!
Don't think for a moment that I'm bemoaning my fate; this is the best part of my job! I love the excitement of event management! Seriously, everything can and will happen. In the middle of writing that last paragraph a reporter from the Tribune (who plugged into the mult box and has been recording the show) came running in from the next room frantically telling me that all of a sudden none of the media plugged into the press feed were getting audio. Whoops! We got it fixed though. As it turns out a (thankfully) very polite gentleman had settled the leg of his chair on the wire running to the back of the room. Didn't see that one coming. Although I have to admit - to cater momentarily to my ego - there is something deeply gratifying about being a kid in a suit who actually knows enough about what he's doing to tell professional businessmen (one of which I am not) and politicians what to do.
This thing has to be ending soon. It's already gone on far longer than normal. Though considering it's 6 politicians on stage, I probably could've seen that one coming...
Monday, January 28, 2008
feelin' a bit crazy! (literally)
I tried a little experiment over the weekend. Normally I take a 20mg adderall tablet twice a day - once when I get up around 7 and again around 2 - and it does me pretty well. Due to the downright silly levels of stress last week however, I decided to try taking half a tablet on Saturday and Sunday instead of the full to see if maybe it would slow me down a bit and help me relax. (God I love admitting to taking FEWER drugs to relax.)
Well. It slowed me down. A lot. My mind was all over the map this weekend. I was having mad problems holding conversations left and right. It slowed me down so much, in fact, that I just plumb forgot to take the second half pill Sunday afternoon. It got to the point where I was talking to one of my roommates and wound up sitting and staring at her thinking "should I be saying something right now?" (As it turned out she was waiting for a response.) I'm back on my regular dosage now, but I'm still feeling the effects of being off. It really is a very strange feeling, and it reminds me why I used to be so frightened to talk to people. Because I'd wind up staring at them with a silly blank look on my face wondering "are they waiting for me to talk?"
So now I'm still a bit off, but getting better. Fortunately, it's Monday. Meaning it's burger night. Meaning a variety of friends will be converging upon Matisse for burgers, beer (possibly veggie burgers, depending on the friends that show up), and some much needed catching up. Then back to our front porch for a little bit of hookah to wrap up the evening. Yay!!
Well. It slowed me down. A lot. My mind was all over the map this weekend. I was having mad problems holding conversations left and right. It slowed me down so much, in fact, that I just plumb forgot to take the second half pill Sunday afternoon. It got to the point where I was talking to one of my roommates and wound up sitting and staring at her thinking "should I be saying something right now?" (As it turned out she was waiting for a response.) I'm back on my regular dosage now, but I'm still feeling the effects of being off. It really is a very strange feeling, and it reminds me why I used to be so frightened to talk to people. Because I'd wind up staring at them with a silly blank look on my face wondering "are they waiting for me to talk?"
So now I'm still a bit off, but getting better. Fortunately, it's Monday. Meaning it's burger night. Meaning a variety of friends will be converging upon Matisse for burgers, beer (possibly veggie burgers, depending on the friends that show up), and some much needed catching up. Then back to our front porch for a little bit of hookah to wrap up the evening. Yay!!
brief lull in the day ... a few days ago
Originally posted on Jan. 27th, 2008 at 11:00 PM
And here it is!! Go me!
WOO!!
Here's the deal: over the holidays our last full time man got accepted last minute to law school. Kick ass for him, for reals! Also, kick ass for me, in the very literal sense of the phrase. I am getting my butt whooped! Did I mention we have no part time staff? Cause we kinda don't. In other words, in addition to my job (which has been spectacularly busy booking & organizing over 11 events in the past 2 1/2 weeks!), I'm suddenly doing a second full time job in the same office AND going over resumes & conducting interviews with potential new employees. If I've learned anything from the latter, it is this: when applying for a position - any position, whether it be at a job, school, anything - do whatever you have to do to avoid asserting that you are the "ideal candidate" for said position. There's no way anyone could know such a thing! I'd like to say I've begun discarding the cover letters the include this phrase, BUT THEY ALL DO!!!
To be fair though, it really isn't an offensive suggestion, & applying for a job is nerve-wracking. It doesn't really annoy me nearly as much as all that, I just find it terribly amusing that's it's use is so ubiquitous (how ya like that action McNulty!*). I also realized as I was writing that I sound somewhat bitter at having become so busy as of late. I'm totally not! Sure I'd like to have a bit more time to read, or watch movies, or watch The Daily Show online, or play with my camera, or run (even though I'm always looking for excuses not to), or clean my room, but that'll come at some point. Plus I get all those things in every now & then.
As for my peace of mind & sanity, oh yeah, totally got that covered in all sorts of creative ways. For example, this morning I got up as usual, took a slightly hurried shower, & while getting dressed you know what I did? I played on my computer "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" No better way to put a permagrin on your face for the day, guaranteed! Oh Peanuts. How can anything be so wonderfully simple & beautiful? Answer: it can't. The end.
*Not in the original text
And here it is!! Go me!
WOO!!
Here's the deal: over the holidays our last full time man got accepted last minute to law school. Kick ass for him, for reals! Also, kick ass for me, in the very literal sense of the phrase. I am getting my butt whooped! Did I mention we have no part time staff? Cause we kinda don't. In other words, in addition to my job (which has been spectacularly busy booking & organizing over 11 events in the past 2 1/2 weeks!), I'm suddenly doing a second full time job in the same office AND going over resumes & conducting interviews with potential new employees. If I've learned anything from the latter, it is this: when applying for a position - any position, whether it be at a job, school, anything - do whatever you have to do to avoid asserting that you are the "ideal candidate" for said position. There's no way anyone could know such a thing! I'd like to say I've begun discarding the cover letters the include this phrase, BUT THEY ALL DO!!!
To be fair though, it really isn't an offensive suggestion, & applying for a job is nerve-wracking. It doesn't really annoy me nearly as much as all that, I just find it terribly amusing that's it's use is so ubiquitous (how ya like that action McNulty!*). I also realized as I was writing that I sound somewhat bitter at having become so busy as of late. I'm totally not! Sure I'd like to have a bit more time to read, or watch movies, or watch The Daily Show online, or play with my camera, or run (even though I'm always looking for excuses not to), or clean my room, but that'll come at some point. Plus I get all those things in every now & then.
As for my peace of mind & sanity, oh yeah, totally got that covered in all sorts of creative ways. For example, this morning I got up as usual, took a slightly hurried shower, & while getting dressed you know what I did? I played on my computer "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" No better way to put a permagrin on your face for the day, guaranteed! Oh Peanuts. How can anything be so wonderfully simple & beautiful? Answer: it can't. The end.
*Not in the original text
a memory like a triscuit
Originally posted on Jan. 23rd, 2008 at 8:02 PM
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!! We had an event today, and while the speaker was doing his thing, I hung out at the check-in table and wrote a blog entry. A pretty good one too, a whole page long! Go me!
Annnnnnnnndddddddd I left it at the office. Go me! I'm still posting it though. Only tomorrow. Like a little window back in time. 24 hours ago.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!! We had an event today, and while the speaker was doing his thing, I hung out at the check-in table and wrote a blog entry. A pretty good one too, a whole page long! Go me!
Annnnnnnnndddddddd I left it at the office. Go me! I'm still posting it though. Only tomorrow. Like a little window back in time. 24 hours ago.
wait ... was someone just serious?
Originally posted on Jan. 16th, 2008 at 7:55 PM
UPDATE!!
I opted to run 3.62 miles instead of the 4-5 on which I so heartily had designs a few hours earlier. And you know what? It SUCKED!! Just like it always has! I'm so happy I'm still me and not some slender, leggy, muscular hotshit runner who all the chicks wanna do and all the guys wanna be.
Me is way better.
Just fyi.
UPDATE!!
I opted to run 3.62 miles instead of the 4-5 on which I so heartily had designs a few hours earlier. And you know what? It SUCKED!! Just like it always has! I'm so happy I'm still me and not some slender, leggy, muscular hotshit runner who all the chicks wanna do and all the guys wanna be.
Me is way better.
Just fyi.
let's stop being serious
Originally posted on Jan. 16th, 2008 at 3:27 PM
Wanna hear a joke? Yeah ya do, cause it’s good. It goes like this:
I’m holy crap tired from the tremendous lack of sleep I’ve been getting as of late. It’s kinda ridiculous. Stress? Stress and I are so close we’re practically having an affair (which is possible even without a wife or girlfriend; I looked it up). I won’t go into any details, cause that’s not the kind of guy I am, but I will say I’ve been having her pretty much non-stop since that whole shift in the year happened. It’s been hot. I’ve said too much. The weather here suddenly seems to have gotten the notion that it’d be a good idea to do everything it can to mimic its uncle in Russia … meaning it’s cold. Really cold. On top of all this, I’ve become aware of this strange phenomenon currently present in my life. It’s this odd deal where as I’m being given by those in complete power less and less reason to invest myself personally in my job, the amount of work required of me increases more and more. Kinda awkward. Still trying to determine whether there’s direct causation in play here or if it’s just a coincidental correlation. More on that as it develops.
And the punch line? Get ready for this; you may need to sit down, it’s pretty outta control. All I want to do tonight is go home and run 4-5 miles. ME. RUN. FURTHER THAN THE KITCHEN. Is that not ludicrous?? I’ve detested running all my life, and now not only do I want to run (in excess), I’m seeking refuge and comfort in it. If that doesn’t make you laugh out loud you may want to consider a line of work other than orthodox economics.
Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m happy. I like being happy. So bonus there.
The ½ marathon in Phoenix was, in a word, completelyridiculouslyfun. It rocked. My only goal (and a flimsy one at that) was to run faster than 10-minute miles, which I killed. By killed of course I mean I came in JUST under at 2 hours, 9 minutes and 13 seconds, which amounted to a pace of 9:52-minute miles. It hurt, but I’m thinking it was probably worth it. So much so in fact, that I kinda really want to sign up for the ½ in St Louis on April 6th. I haven’t yet, but to be honest that’s only because I spent way way more in Phoenix than I intended (those cabs are pricey!). HOWEVER, Friday is payday. Nuff said about that. (I’m gonna sign up on Friday!!) And in the spirit of pushing myself to the limit, I think I want to run it alone. Thing is, I know the only way I was able to train consistently for this last one was because there were friends involved, and this time around I want to know I can do it on my own by my own volition, with no one else to push me along. Probably a dumb idea I realize, but I’m kind of a dumb guy in many ways. In all other ways I’m a genius though. Just wanna be real clear about that.
Wanna hear a joke? Yeah ya do, cause it’s good. It goes like this:
I’m holy crap tired from the tremendous lack of sleep I’ve been getting as of late. It’s kinda ridiculous. Stress? Stress and I are so close we’re practically having an affair (which is possible even without a wife or girlfriend; I looked it up). I won’t go into any details, cause that’s not the kind of guy I am, but I will say I’ve been having her pretty much non-stop since that whole shift in the year happened. It’s been hot. I’ve said too much. The weather here suddenly seems to have gotten the notion that it’d be a good idea to do everything it can to mimic its uncle in Russia … meaning it’s cold. Really cold. On top of all this, I’ve become aware of this strange phenomenon currently present in my life. It’s this odd deal where as I’m being given by those in complete power less and less reason to invest myself personally in my job, the amount of work required of me increases more and more. Kinda awkward. Still trying to determine whether there’s direct causation in play here or if it’s just a coincidental correlation. More on that as it develops.
And the punch line? Get ready for this; you may need to sit down, it’s pretty outta control. All I want to do tonight is go home and run 4-5 miles. ME. RUN. FURTHER THAN THE KITCHEN. Is that not ludicrous?? I’ve detested running all my life, and now not only do I want to run (in excess), I’m seeking refuge and comfort in it. If that doesn’t make you laugh out loud you may want to consider a line of work other than orthodox economics.
Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m happy. I like being happy. So bonus there.
The ½ marathon in Phoenix was, in a word, completelyridiculouslyfun. It rocked. My only goal (and a flimsy one at that) was to run faster than 10-minute miles, which I killed. By killed of course I mean I came in JUST under at 2 hours, 9 minutes and 13 seconds, which amounted to a pace of 9:52-minute miles. It hurt, but I’m thinking it was probably worth it. So much so in fact, that I kinda really want to sign up for the ½ in St Louis on April 6th. I haven’t yet, but to be honest that’s only because I spent way way more in Phoenix than I intended (those cabs are pricey!). HOWEVER, Friday is payday. Nuff said about that. (I’m gonna sign up on Friday!!) And in the spirit of pushing myself to the limit, I think I want to run it alone. Thing is, I know the only way I was able to train consistently for this last one was because there were friends involved, and this time around I want to know I can do it on my own by my own volition, with no one else to push me along. Probably a dumb idea I realize, but I’m kind of a dumb guy in many ways. In all other ways I’m a genius though. Just wanna be real clear about that.
Monday, January 7, 2008
writing about writing?
There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to write, but for some reason I'm not. This is unacceptable.
I want to write about my trip home for Christmas (sadly, I even already have the title for that post), how my running is going (the Phoenix 1/2 marathon is THIS Sunday!), how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking (lots, to say the least), what I'm reading ( which is contributing greatly to what I'm thinking), even what I'm eating (Trisquits & tuna). I just can't seem to find the time between working, training (goodness I never thought I'd hear that come out of my fingers), reading, and trying to keep in touch with those I care about. Grrrrrrrrr. I know I can function more efficiently than this!
Alas, this is not the post to remedy any of the above yearnings. Hopefully the next will relieve my backlog of personally expressive correspondence. At the moment, I'm in far too peaceful a state even to being to delve. I suppose that's a good thing.
Plus I need to get my butt to bed...
I want to write about my trip home for Christmas (sadly, I even already have the title for that post), how my running is going (the Phoenix 1/2 marathon is THIS Sunday!), how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking (lots, to say the least), what I'm reading ( which is contributing greatly to what I'm thinking), even what I'm eating (Trisquits & tuna). I just can't seem to find the time between working, training (goodness I never thought I'd hear that come out of my fingers), reading, and trying to keep in touch with those I care about. Grrrrrrrrr. I know I can function more efficiently than this!
Alas, this is not the post to remedy any of the above yearnings. Hopefully the next will relieve my backlog of personally expressive correspondence. At the moment, I'm in far too peaceful a state even to being to delve. I suppose that's a good thing.
Plus I need to get my butt to bed...
Monday, December 17, 2007
YEAH SCHULTZ!!
NOW THEY'RE PLAYING LINUS & LUCY - OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE PEANUTS THEME SONG!!!!!!
What a great day for music! How can one not smile with this stuff??
Oh Peanuts. Have I ever mentioned Charlie Brown is my personal hero? Cause he is.
What a great day for music! How can one not smile with this stuff??
Oh Peanuts. Have I ever mentioned Charlie Brown is my personal hero? Cause he is.
ladies & gentlemen, rabbi vole on the bass!
Oh the Joy that is They Might Be Giants!!!
Here I sit, at a desk in a small office with people spying on my every move to ensure I'm not trying to "undermine" them, listening to same radio station as I do every day because the woman in our office is "distracted" if we play anything else, and what comes over the airwaves? Dr. Worm by They Might Be Giants! One of the most absurd, nonsensical, delightful pieces of brilliance ever to be sung by those wonderful dorks!
As soon as I heard the giddy fanfare that begins the song I couldn't help but break into a huge smile – because I love the song, but also because I could only imagine what was going through the heads of the others in the office. I won't even try to speculate. I'll just enjoy it. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Dr. Worm
They Might Be Giants
They call me Dr. Worm.
Good morning, how are you? I'm Dr. Worm.
I'm interested in things.
I'm not a real doctor,
But I am a real worm;
I am an actual worm.
I live like a worm.
I like to play the drums.
I think I'm getting good,
but I can handle criticism.
I'll show you what I know,
and you can tell me if you think I'm getting better on the drums.
I'll leave the front un-locked cause I can't
hear the doorbell.
When I get into it I can't tell if you are
watching me twirling the stick.
When I give the signal, my friend
Rabbi Vole will play the solo.
**Awesome Bass Solo!**
Some day somebody else besides me will
call me by my stage name, they will
call me Dr. Worm.
Good morning, how are you? I'm Dr. Worm.
I'm interested in things.
I'm not a real doctor,
but I am a real worm;
I am an actual worm.
I live like a worm.
I like to play the drums.
I think I'm getting good,
but I can handle criticism.
I'll show you what I know,
and you can tell me if you think I'm getting better on the drums.
I'm not a real doctor,
but they call me Dr. Worm.
Sigh. I definitely need more people around me who enjoy such silliness in life.
Here I sit, at a desk in a small office with people spying on my every move to ensure I'm not trying to "undermine" them, listening to same radio station as I do every day because the woman in our office is "distracted" if we play anything else, and what comes over the airwaves? Dr. Worm by They Might Be Giants! One of the most absurd, nonsensical, delightful pieces of brilliance ever to be sung by those wonderful dorks!
As soon as I heard the giddy fanfare that begins the song I couldn't help but break into a huge smile – because I love the song, but also because I could only imagine what was going through the heads of the others in the office. I won't even try to speculate. I'll just enjoy it. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Dr. Worm
They Might Be Giants
They call me Dr. Worm.
Good morning, how are you? I'm Dr. Worm.
I'm interested in things.
I'm not a real doctor,
But I am a real worm;
I am an actual worm.
I live like a worm.
I like to play the drums.
I think I'm getting good,
but I can handle criticism.
I'll show you what I know,
and you can tell me if you think I'm getting better on the drums.
I'll leave the front un-locked cause I can't
hear the doorbell.
When I get into it I can't tell if you are
watching me twirling the stick.
When I give the signal, my friend
Rabbi Vole will play the solo.
**Awesome Bass Solo!**
Some day somebody else besides me will
call me by my stage name, they will
call me Dr. Worm.
Good morning, how are you? I'm Dr. Worm.
I'm interested in things.
I'm not a real doctor,
but I am a real worm;
I am an actual worm.
I live like a worm.
I like to play the drums.
I think I'm getting good,
but I can handle criticism.
I'll show you what I know,
and you can tell me if you think I'm getting better on the drums.
I'm not a real doctor,
but they call me Dr. Worm.
Sigh. I definitely need more people around me who enjoy such silliness in life.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
wine after a run is good for you, i swear
I REMEMBERED!!!
I brought up all that silliness because work is finally beginning to become completely ridiculous, and I wanted to explain why that's ok! Seriously though, work is becoming truly ridiculous. Tax fraud here, boss having my staff pick up stamps for his wife's Christmas cards there, then getting completely betrayed by the one person I thought was supporting me, which of course led to the boss calling me 7 times before I got to my phone to call him back, only to have him once again insult, belittle, and threaten me. All while claiming he's completely clean. Yeah. Honest people do that. Really.
But enough of that. I remembered while on my fanTAStic run! Hot damn I love running when it's like this! Total blizzard, horizontal snow, high winds, not a single person out ... except me. :) I'll admit, running through 4 inches of snow on top of solid ice isn't easy, and I was hurtin', but it's always oh so worth it! Then I came back (looking like a snowman since all the snow stuck to all of me), stretched for awhile (I can touch the tip of my right toe for the first time in my life!!!!), mapped my run out at mapmyrun.com while icing my knees, and now I'm raving. RAVING!
But I'm quickly mellowing out. I've opened a brand spankin new bottle of wine, I'm feelin pretty good, and I'm highly considering curling up under a blanket on the front porch, putting some mellow music on, and getting friendly with that hookah while cuddling with a pillow. Is my life sad? I'm gonna go ahead and say no
I brought up all that silliness because work is finally beginning to become completely ridiculous, and I wanted to explain why that's ok! Seriously though, work is becoming truly ridiculous. Tax fraud here, boss having my staff pick up stamps for his wife's Christmas cards there, then getting completely betrayed by the one person I thought was supporting me, which of course led to the boss calling me 7 times before I got to my phone to call him back, only to have him once again insult, belittle, and threaten me. All while claiming he's completely clean. Yeah. Honest people do that. Really.
But enough of that. I remembered while on my fanTAStic run! Hot damn I love running when it's like this! Total blizzard, horizontal snow, high winds, not a single person out ... except me. :) I'll admit, running through 4 inches of snow on top of solid ice isn't easy, and I was hurtin', but it's always oh so worth it! Then I came back (looking like a snowman since all the snow stuck to all of me), stretched for awhile (I can touch the tip of my right toe for the first time in my life!!!!), mapped my run out at mapmyrun.com while icing my knees, and now I'm raving. RAVING!
But I'm quickly mellowing out. I've opened a brand spankin new bottle of wine, I'm feelin pretty good, and I'm highly considering curling up under a blanket on the front porch, putting some mellow music on, and getting friendly with that hookah while cuddling with a pillow. Is my life sad? I'm gonna go ahead and say no
gotta remember to take those meds...
I'm not religious. I grew up religious - Episcopalian - and I feel fortunate for it as it contributed to the person I am now (what didn't?), but that affiliation ended long ago for reasons beside the point of this post, and as I'm attempting to teach myself to focus and remain on-topic in my writing, I'll save those reasons for another time.
So - as I was saying - I'm not religious, but I do believe in god. Or God. Or GOD (spoken forcefully by a baritone through one of those cool Zoom Tube toys, or whatever they were called). I'm gonna go with god, because capitalizing it indicates the name of a specific person or entity (or really any other proper noun, such as a cab company or a lake), and my definition of god - or rather the possibilities of god - is not nearly that precise.
To me, god can and could be any number of things: an all-encompassing presence throughout the known (and unknown) universe, an unnaturally-old-yet-somehow-still-attractive man of Burmese descent with a soothing voice and wispy white beard that contrasts in a very pleasing way with his darker brown skin sitting atop a mountain somewhere in south-central Asia (improbable), a powerful elderly man in endlessly flowing robes with an unlimited supply of lightning bolts and a wicked-bad temper (slightly more probable than the last), or something as small and completely insignificant to every living creature, everywhere - save one: the often vague, confusing, and quite possibly unknowable subconscious functions of our brains. My reason for offering a whole buffet of potential definitions of what god could be rather than what i believe god to be is, I've found, strangely incomprehensible to a lot of people despite being very simple: I don't know. And further, I don't think it's possible for me to know. That being the case, for me to choose one deity over all other potential deities would seem not only needlessly arbitrary, but entirely inconsequential. Maybe when I die I'll discover the truth ... maybe my heart simply will stop beating. Neither outcome affects (or at the very least should affect) the manner in which I live my life or what I do prior to my inevitable demise, so why spend my mental capacity speculating?
Now that I've cleared that up, on to the original intent of this post.
A long long time ago - circa 1994 - I asked god (see above) to give me what I would need to become the kind of person I desired to be, whatever that desire would turn into as I grew older. All I knew at the time was that character would include (among other things) strength - to know what was right, to do what was right, to know what I'd want, and to seek what I'd want. I didn't know how I would get these qualities, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask.
It hurt to ask.
I came to the realization 6 or 7 years ago that I was getting exactly what I'd asked for. The problem is these qualities I'm seeking are not genetic. They aren't inherited by some and not others. They're acquired through experiences necessitating their use, and their acquisition is no guarantee. Joy. To acquire the strength to know what's right I have to experience a situation where there's wrong. To have the strength to do what's right I have to be the only one in the situation with the desire to fix it (as is my current situation at work). If I'm not then someone else will do it, which teaches me nothing.
The there's the whole bit about knowing and seeking what I want. Learning that bit sucks. It's coming along to be sure, but it still sucks. Especially when it comes to girls. They're crazy. And confusing. And scary. And at the moment there are two on my mind. Often. One lives in Chicago (though she's definitely not from Chicago), and while I'm totally infatuated with her because she's adorable and quirky and fun and nice and cute, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't really work out. Plus I'm pretty sure she's not into me, which at the very least makes things less confusing.
The other is far more complex - in my mind anyway. She does not live in Chicago, which would make it difficult to pursue her had I the guts to do such things. It's complex because I've felt very connected to this girl for a long time, despite not having spent a great deal of time with her. Strange. I have finally worked up the courage to talk to her on occasion though, so bonus there!
When did this become about girls? This wasn't supposed to be about girls. My mind is preoccupied with girls plenty on any given day. What was this about? Damnit. I can't remember anymore. I guess that means it's time to go type this up, stretch, and run 5 miles. If I hurry maybe I can get out there while it's still snowing! I do so love running in inclement weather!
So - as I was saying - I'm not religious, but I do believe in god. Or God. Or GOD (spoken forcefully by a baritone through one of those cool Zoom Tube toys, or whatever they were called). I'm gonna go with god, because capitalizing it indicates the name of a specific person or entity (or really any other proper noun, such as a cab company or a lake), and my definition of god - or rather the possibilities of god - is not nearly that precise.
To me, god can and could be any number of things: an all-encompassing presence throughout the known (and unknown) universe, an unnaturally-old-yet-somehow-still-attractive man of Burmese descent with a soothing voice and wispy white beard that contrasts in a very pleasing way with his darker brown skin sitting atop a mountain somewhere in south-central Asia (improbable), a powerful elderly man in endlessly flowing robes with an unlimited supply of lightning bolts and a wicked-bad temper (slightly more probable than the last), or something as small and completely insignificant to every living creature, everywhere - save one: the often vague, confusing, and quite possibly unknowable subconscious functions of our brains. My reason for offering a whole buffet of potential definitions of what god could be rather than what i believe god to be is, I've found, strangely incomprehensible to a lot of people despite being very simple: I don't know. And further, I don't think it's possible for me to know. That being the case, for me to choose one deity over all other potential deities would seem not only needlessly arbitrary, but entirely inconsequential. Maybe when I die I'll discover the truth ... maybe my heart simply will stop beating. Neither outcome affects (or at the very least should affect) the manner in which I live my life or what I do prior to my inevitable demise, so why spend my mental capacity speculating?
Now that I've cleared that up, on to the original intent of this post.
A long long time ago - circa 1994 - I asked god (see above) to give me what I would need to become the kind of person I desired to be, whatever that desire would turn into as I grew older. All I knew at the time was that character would include (among other things) strength - to know what was right, to do what was right, to know what I'd want, and to seek what I'd want. I didn't know how I would get these qualities, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask.
It hurt to ask.
I came to the realization 6 or 7 years ago that I was getting exactly what I'd asked for. The problem is these qualities I'm seeking are not genetic. They aren't inherited by some and not others. They're acquired through experiences necessitating their use, and their acquisition is no guarantee. Joy. To acquire the strength to know what's right I have to experience a situation where there's wrong. To have the strength to do what's right I have to be the only one in the situation with the desire to fix it (as is my current situation at work). If I'm not then someone else will do it, which teaches me nothing.
The there's the whole bit about knowing and seeking what I want. Learning that bit sucks. It's coming along to be sure, but it still sucks. Especially when it comes to girls. They're crazy. And confusing. And scary. And at the moment there are two on my mind. Often. One lives in Chicago (though she's definitely not from Chicago), and while I'm totally infatuated with her because she's adorable and quirky and fun and nice and cute, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't really work out. Plus I'm pretty sure she's not into me, which at the very least makes things less confusing.
The other is far more complex - in my mind anyway. She does not live in Chicago, which would make it difficult to pursue her had I the guts to do such things. It's complex because I've felt very connected to this girl for a long time, despite not having spent a great deal of time with her. Strange. I have finally worked up the courage to talk to her on occasion though, so bonus there!
When did this become about girls? This wasn't supposed to be about girls. My mind is preoccupied with girls plenty on any given day. What was this about? Damnit. I can't remember anymore. I guess that means it's time to go type this up, stretch, and run 5 miles. If I hurry maybe I can get out there while it's still snowing! I do so love running in inclement weather!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
what's a picture worth?
I'm enjoying this concept of blogging photos with stories attached! I may have to continue.
Unlike my last picture story though, this one isn't quite as pleasant. I was in a poor, poor mood at the time, as can be seen in my sulky expression. What a pouter!
Unlike my last picture story though, this one isn't quite as pleasant. I was in a poor, poor mood at the time, as can be seen in my sulky expression. What a pouter!
Monday, November 5, 2007
inexplicable
UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH.
Stated (loudly) in true Peanuts fashion: head tilted straight back nearly 45 degrees, mouth open to the size a grapefruit, tonsils (or tongue, never could figure out which) wiggling near the back of the throat. God bless Peanuts. Charlie Brown is my hero. Truly he is. Which is why this has been the desktop on my office computer for so long.
I am completely, utterly off today, and I do not know why. I've been running according to my schedule, and it's been going well. I logged 17.64 miles this week. I've been rockin' the Lake Shore trail, hardcore. I actually got nearly 7 hours of sleep last night, which is a bit more than I've been getting, but not so much as to significantly throw me off. I've been eating well, keeping in shape, etc. In other words, I am at a loss to explain my extraordinarily flighty brain functions today. I don't like that.
The only postulation I can formulate is that perhaps I've been too … inward facing? … as of late. I've been focused pretty heavily on training (as I don't really feel like injuring myself), working to keep my clean (so far so good!), and reading voraciously – on the bus to and from work, in my room, on the front porch, everywhere. At the moment I'm jumping around between 'The Black Swan' – a philosophy-based look at the practical sides and potential dangers of relying on predictions based upon the empirical data of inherently random events – 'Innovation Nation' – discussing how and why this country is slowly losing its place globally as the leader of innovation – and 3-4 Cato Institute reports on everything from current political language, the rise of doublespeak, a critical examination of the policies of No Child Left Behind, and a highly critical look at the Constitutional record of our current administration. I'm just not used to being able to read since I've been off Adderall for so long, and now that I can I wonder if I'm overdoing it. It seems silly, but my head is beginning to swim, and that's the only possible reason I can come up with.
I don't think I'm spending enough time talking to people anymore. I'm tempted to say I miss being close to people, but upon further examination I can't seem to define the designation of close. I have great friends here, and I get along with all of my roommates splendidly. The reason I went off Adderall last year was because I realized – only after mistakenly going off it – I was slowly withdrawing from people on a personal level, and I didn't like that at all. Is that happening again? I vowed I wouldn't let it, because this time I was aware of it. But for some reason I still feel like I am, and the strange thing is I have little evidence to back that up. Meaning now I'm suspecting it's all in my head. Hmmmmmmmm.
Now I'm pretty sure I'm rambling, so I'm going to stop. I think I just need to talk with friends more. Whether we have discussions about the country's current Constitutional policies, debates on the merits of attempting to predict seemingly random and highly influential events, or chats about ice cream, doesn't matter. I just need to increase my personal contact with the good people I already have in my life. There. Done. Yay me.
Stated (loudly) in true Peanuts fashion: head tilted straight back nearly 45 degrees, mouth open to the size a grapefruit, tonsils (or tongue, never could figure out which) wiggling near the back of the throat. God bless Peanuts. Charlie Brown is my hero. Truly he is. Which is why this has been the desktop on my office computer for so long.
I am completely, utterly off today, and I do not know why. I've been running according to my schedule, and it's been going well. I logged 17.64 miles this week. I've been rockin' the Lake Shore trail, hardcore. I actually got nearly 7 hours of sleep last night, which is a bit more than I've been getting, but not so much as to significantly throw me off. I've been eating well, keeping in shape, etc. In other words, I am at a loss to explain my extraordinarily flighty brain functions today. I don't like that.
The only postulation I can formulate is that perhaps I've been too … inward facing? … as of late. I've been focused pretty heavily on training (as I don't really feel like injuring myself), working to keep my clean (so far so good!), and reading voraciously – on the bus to and from work, in my room, on the front porch, everywhere. At the moment I'm jumping around between 'The Black Swan' – a philosophy-based look at the practical sides and potential dangers of relying on predictions based upon the empirical data of inherently random events – 'Innovation Nation' – discussing how and why this country is slowly losing its place globally as the leader of innovation – and 3-4 Cato Institute reports on everything from current political language, the rise of doublespeak, a critical examination of the policies of No Child Left Behind, and a highly critical look at the Constitutional record of our current administration. I'm just not used to being able to read since I've been off Adderall for so long, and now that I can I wonder if I'm overdoing it. It seems silly, but my head is beginning to swim, and that's the only possible reason I can come up with.
I don't think I'm spending enough time talking to people anymore. I'm tempted to say I miss being close to people, but upon further examination I can't seem to define the designation of close. I have great friends here, and I get along with all of my roommates splendidly. The reason I went off Adderall last year was because I realized – only after mistakenly going off it – I was slowly withdrawing from people on a personal level, and I didn't like that at all. Is that happening again? I vowed I wouldn't let it, because this time I was aware of it. But for some reason I still feel like I am, and the strange thing is I have little evidence to back that up. Meaning now I'm suspecting it's all in my head. Hmmmmmmmm.
Now I'm pretty sure I'm rambling, so I'm going to stop. I think I just need to talk with friends more. Whether we have discussions about the country's current Constitutional policies, debates on the merits of attempting to predict seemingly random and highly influential events, or chats about ice cream, doesn't matter. I just need to increase my personal contact with the good people I already have in my life. There. Done. Yay me.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
just perfect
Ok, I realize this was posted in May (and truthfully, that's when I read it for the first time), but I was talking to a friend about it yesterday and it inspired me to look it back up. I love it. I couldn't possibly express my own feelings any better.
Watch It, Mac!
Watch It, Mac!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
pleasant memories
I was going through some of my Flickr photos from past times, and I came across this one. I haven't thought about this day in a long time, but its simplicity and gentle memory still makes me smile.
I need more memories like this. I need to make more memories like this
I need more memories like this. I need to make more memories like this
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
behind the iron-clad rhetoric
So I really don't have the time at the moment to rant in excess, but in the process of cleaning my desk I was going through the notes I took during some of last week's events, and I found one that I just had to share.
On Monday September 24th we had Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky speak at a luncheon. I will shamelessly admit that I had never heard of her, and really knew nothing about her. Long story short, she gave a fascinating talk, filled with the passion of conviction that I so long to see in today's policy-makers. She talked about a smattering of different issues over the course of her presentation, which was just short of an hour, but the topic that struck me more than the others was the war. She recently was appointed to the
One other thing she mentioned saddened me just as greatly. The military PR machine has been cheering about how more and more of Baghdad's neighborhoods are safer, with violence ebbing significantly. Unfortunately, it's because in each neighborhood one sect has killed and/or driven out the other, creating a more segregated city than ever. We're basking in a victory that, in reality, is nothing more than the inevitable outcome of ethnic cleansing. And, as a tax-payer, I feel I'm a part of that victory.
Let me tell you, if that realization doesn't ruin your day, I don't know what will.
On Monday September 24th we had Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky speak at a luncheon. I will shamelessly admit that I had never heard of her, and really knew nothing about her. Long story short, she gave a fascinating talk, filled with the passion of conviction that I so long to see in today's policy-makers. She talked about a smattering of different issues over the course of her presentation, which was just short of an hour, but the topic that struck me more than the others was the war. She recently was appointed to the
- Car bombs are not considered sectarian violence
- Gunshots to the back of the head are included sectarian violence, but not to the front of the head
- Sunni on Sunni violence is not considered sectarian violence
- Shi‘ite on Shi‘ite violence is not considered sectarian violence
One other thing she mentioned saddened me just as greatly. The military PR machine has been cheering about how more and more of Baghdad's neighborhoods are safer, with violence ebbing significantly. Unfortunately, it's because in each neighborhood one sect has killed and/or driven out the other, creating a more segregated city than ever. We're basking in a victory that, in reality, is nothing more than the inevitable outcome of ethnic cleansing. And, as a tax-payer, I feel I'm a part of that victory.
Let me tell you, if that realization doesn't ruin your day, I don't know what will.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
what do you say?
It's been a terribly long time since I've given myself the time simply to sit in a coffee shop and write. The last time I can recall is when I skipped class to sit in the Starbucks just one block away and write 'Sex, Violence, Children and Shit.' That feels like half a lifetime ago. I've had so many things running through my head during the last two weeks - social issues, government rants, inconsistencies within commonly-held ideologies I've noticed, societal hypocrisies, etc. - and now that I have the perfect opportunity to focus on one of them ... I can't get excited about a single one. Why is that?
I'm in Moonstruck Chocolatier - my preferred establishment for the acquisition of tasty coffee drinks from friendly people every morning on my way to work - sitting in a wonderfully overstuffed leather chair drinking a well-made latte. I have no plans for the rest of the day, and nowhere I have to be until Monday morning. Perfect conditions for the solidification of until-now amorphous ponderings and their subsequent transfer onto paper as somewhat firm stances and ideas. You can lead a horse to water I suppose, but you can't make it pontificate. That's how the expression goes, right?
My latte has grown cold.
And now I've been sitting here for a solid 10 minutes repeating 'my latte has grown cold' over and over again in my head.
I'm tired of doing what I do. I'm tired of working hard every day to advance the agendas and social standings of others, only to have everything I do publicly credited to the associates of those for whom I'm working, when in reality it's those very same associates who in fact complicate the work I do with their almost non-existent involvement. What am I gaining from this job? A paycheck of course, but I can get one of those anywhere. Experience in event management and directing a small staff, but I've come to the realization that the bulk of what this organization has to offer I've already learned and am now merely repeating again and again. A kickass title, but I've long since let go of being impressed by those - even my own.
The reasons for staying certainly are less than compelling, except for the last one: what else do I do? I don't have a college degree, so that rules out quite a few jobs that would seem to be logical next steps to this one. I need to be challenged to stay engaged. I need to be improving something to stay interested. When I'm disengaged and disinterested, my brain seems to grow lethargic. Ideas become few and far in between. I can keep the energy and discipline to keep active for as long as I want, but activity without purpose is just as frustrating as drive without energy is disheartening. In the end both amount to nothing meaningful getting accomplished, and I can't be happy with that outcome. So what do I do?
I'm in Moonstruck Chocolatier - my preferred establishment for the acquisition of tasty coffee drinks from friendly people every morning on my way to work - sitting in a wonderfully overstuffed leather chair drinking a well-made latte. I have no plans for the rest of the day, and nowhere I have to be until Monday morning. Perfect conditions for the solidification of until-now amorphous ponderings and their subsequent transfer onto paper as somewhat firm stances and ideas. You can lead a horse to water I suppose, but you can't make it pontificate. That's how the expression goes, right?
My latte has grown cold.
And now I've been sitting here for a solid 10 minutes repeating 'my latte has grown cold' over and over again in my head.
I'm tired of doing what I do. I'm tired of working hard every day to advance the agendas and social standings of others, only to have everything I do publicly credited to the associates of those for whom I'm working, when in reality it's those very same associates who in fact complicate the work I do with their almost non-existent involvement. What am I gaining from this job? A paycheck of course, but I can get one of those anywhere. Experience in event management and directing a small staff, but I've come to the realization that the bulk of what this organization has to offer I've already learned and am now merely repeating again and again. A kickass title, but I've long since let go of being impressed by those - even my own.
The reasons for staying certainly are less than compelling, except for the last one: what else do I do? I don't have a college degree, so that rules out quite a few jobs that would seem to be logical next steps to this one. I need to be challenged to stay engaged. I need to be improving something to stay interested. When I'm disengaged and disinterested, my brain seems to grow lethargic. Ideas become few and far in between. I can keep the energy and discipline to keep active for as long as I want, but activity without purpose is just as frustrating as drive without energy is disheartening. In the end both amount to nothing meaningful getting accomplished, and I can't be happy with that outcome. So what do I do?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
what makes guns more important than privacy?
Politics, to state the obvious, is full of contradictions and hypocrisy. Everyone knows that, I know, but I've begun thinking today about one hypocrisy in particular that irks me more than most ... which is saying something!
We as a country are being told (almost entirely by the neocons) that in order to fight the war on terrorism effectively, we must be willing to give up some of our precious freedoms, such as our freedom of privacy and freedom to be safe from unwarranted searches and seizures. We are being told that giving these up is absolutely essential to making our country safer and more secure.
Give up a few of your rights, and you can walk down the street feeling confident that you will not be attacked by a terrorist.
That's peachy, but my concern is this: most of the people who are saying these things are the very same people who are fighting AGAINST gun control legislation. There are kids getting shot in and around schools by other kids every day in this country, not to mention people using guns in violent crimes all the time. Enacting some form of gun control legislation surely would make it more difficult for a 14-year-old to get his/her hands on a Glock, and yet these people firmly refuse to give up that right in the name of safety and security. Plus, not everybody owns a gun (although an enormous amount does). I only bring that up because it indicates that gun laws don't apply to everyone, while the right to privacy does. That's not to say I think we should do away with freedoms that apply only to some citizens, but as long as we have a government willing to curb some of our freedoms, wouldn't it make sense to consider first the ones that don't apply to everyone?
I just don't understand how people can be willing to ask that we all give up freedoms such as privacy to make us safer and refuse to budge on freedoms such as the right of everyone to own a gun, when doing so would save lives on a daily basis.
Anybody got any thoughts?
We as a country are being told (almost entirely by the neocons) that in order to fight the war on terrorism effectively, we must be willing to give up some of our precious freedoms, such as our freedom of privacy and freedom to be safe from unwarranted searches and seizures. We are being told that giving these up is absolutely essential to making our country safer and more secure.
Give up a few of your rights, and you can walk down the street feeling confident that you will not be attacked by a terrorist.
That's peachy, but my concern is this: most of the people who are saying these things are the very same people who are fighting AGAINST gun control legislation. There are kids getting shot in and around schools by other kids every day in this country, not to mention people using guns in violent crimes all the time. Enacting some form of gun control legislation surely would make it more difficult for a 14-year-old to get his/her hands on a Glock, and yet these people firmly refuse to give up that right in the name of safety and security. Plus, not everybody owns a gun (although an enormous amount does). I only bring that up because it indicates that gun laws don't apply to everyone, while the right to privacy does. That's not to say I think we should do away with freedoms that apply only to some citizens, but as long as we have a government willing to curb some of our freedoms, wouldn't it make sense to consider first the ones that don't apply to everyone?
I just don't understand how people can be willing to ask that we all give up freedoms such as privacy to make us safer and refuse to budge on freedoms such as the right of everyone to own a gun, when doing so would save lives on a daily basis.
Anybody got any thoughts?
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
omigod! you invest?? that's hot!!
Piss off, Neil Simon, theatre as we know it is changing. And when I found out about it, I was pretty well sickened. But then I started thinking about it ...
How bout I explain? I read in The Economist about a new trend that's emerging on New York's theatre scene: hardcore investing. I say hardcore only because I realize that the term 'investing' really can mean anything. For example, theatre in particular requires of great deal of time be invested. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about stereotypical investing: mutual funds, returns on investment, and enormous sums of green*.
In the past Wall Street and Broadway rarely, if ever, intersected (except, of course, where they actually intersect), and to so much as mention money while mingling with the artsy crowd would get you banned from the after-party. Why should money be a concern when we're talking art?
Well, while it doesn't necessarily have to be, we also are talking entertainment, and entertainment is big business. Did I say big business? I should've said staggering business. For example, everybody has seen (or at least is aware of) Legally Blonde, correct? What about Legally Blonde THE MUSICAL?!? Yes, that supremely-obnoxious, cotton candy pink-tinged moving picture - along with a dog so small it probably shouldn't exist - has moved on stage! But it doesn't stop merely by taking the story. This production seems essentially to be a live-action movie, complete with wealthy backers, product placements (including, but not limited to Red Bull, Pottery Barn, JetBlue airways, Magnum hair products, Tiffany jewels and UPS express delivery), and a roughly $13 million price tag. The only thing missing is the camera (they're still not allowed in the theater!).
Upon reading this I was outraged. How could they trivialize the fine institution that is the theatre like that? How could they commercially exploit the actors and actresses that have given their lives to this art?? How could they turn theatrical production into a gol-danged mutual fund??? My tender sensibilities were being greatly damaged by this disgrace!
I went to the bathroom and threw some water on my face. Surely this wasn't true. Was our culture truly caught in a downward spiral of capitalistic eccentricities, never again to see the expressions of true art? Well ... no. It's not. It is true that we live in a capitalistic society, and as such there always will be those people and entities willing to pump obscene amounts of money into anything that could pump obscene amounts back. To try to fight that would be to try to fight much of what we stand for. Suggesting that there are certain forms of art that cannot be exploited for money is very much akin to suggesting that there are certain things that cannot be joked about, which is absured!
While the theatre as we know it seems to be headed the way of motion pictures and music, that doesn't mean there will be no room left for individual artists to seek means of expression without being sponsored by a fortune 500 company (or 5). It only means they'll have to creatively adapt to the times, and considering some of the theatre junkies I know, that shouldn't be a problem.
*money
How bout I explain? I read in The Economist about a new trend that's emerging on New York's theatre scene: hardcore investing. I say hardcore only because I realize that the term 'investing' really can mean anything. For example, theatre in particular requires of great deal of time be invested. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about stereotypical investing: mutual funds, returns on investment, and enormous sums of green*.
In the past Wall Street and Broadway rarely, if ever, intersected (except, of course, where they actually intersect), and to so much as mention money while mingling with the artsy crowd would get you banned from the after-party. Why should money be a concern when we're talking art?
Well, while it doesn't necessarily have to be, we also are talking entertainment, and entertainment is big business. Did I say big business? I should've said staggering business. For example, everybody has seen (or at least is aware of) Legally Blonde, correct? What about Legally Blonde THE MUSICAL?!? Yes, that supremely-obnoxious, cotton candy pink-tinged moving picture - along with a dog so small it probably shouldn't exist - has moved on stage! But it doesn't stop merely by taking the story. This production seems essentially to be a live-action movie, complete with wealthy backers, product placements (including, but not limited to Red Bull, Pottery Barn, JetBlue airways, Magnum hair products, Tiffany jewels and UPS express delivery), and a roughly $13 million price tag. The only thing missing is the camera (they're still not allowed in the theater!).
Upon reading this I was outraged. How could they trivialize the fine institution that is the theatre like that? How could they commercially exploit the actors and actresses that have given their lives to this art?? How could they turn theatrical production into a gol-danged mutual fund??? My tender sensibilities were being greatly damaged by this disgrace!
I went to the bathroom and threw some water on my face. Surely this wasn't true. Was our culture truly caught in a downward spiral of capitalistic eccentricities, never again to see the expressions of true art? Well ... no. It's not. It is true that we live in a capitalistic society, and as such there always will be those people and entities willing to pump obscene amounts of money into anything that could pump obscene amounts back. To try to fight that would be to try to fight much of what we stand for. Suggesting that there are certain forms of art that cannot be exploited for money is very much akin to suggesting that there are certain things that cannot be joked about, which is absured!
While the theatre as we know it seems to be headed the way of motion pictures and music, that doesn't mean there will be no room left for individual artists to seek means of expression without being sponsored by a fortune 500 company (or 5). It only means they'll have to creatively adapt to the times, and considering some of the theatre junkies I know, that shouldn't be a problem.
*money
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